Maybe it's the utter exhaustion from this week.
6 years ago I buried my own mother. The worst part of the preparations was putting on clothes and appearing in church with her physical form for the last time. Not long after I came to visit my husband, his sister and their mother, and I remember saying at one point to Reggie "I know it is inevitable but if I could I would ensure that you never have to feel the loss and pain of losing your mother."
Today we bury my mother in law. I think that, of everything that has transpired this week, this is the day I don't want to complete. It's not so much my sadness and longing for her but bearing witness to the pain and suffering of my husband and his sister. Not only bearing witness but knowing there is nothing at all I can offer as a balm, as a comfort - their mother is dead and she won't come back. She wouldn't want to even if she could, and we would be so selfish to request it.
But we miss her. One of the hardest realizations was "the woman whom I have known my entire life is no longer here to help me survive the rest of it." I don't even know if they have fully grasped this concept, but when they do I know how devastating it will be.
May God lend me the strength to be strong and consistent for them.
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