Lady

Well, Mother got her wish: I'm a lady. * turns to framed pic on nightstand * you did this....

I used to pride myself in taking about 10 minutes total in the bathroom. I'd hop in the shower, soap, rinse, towel off, brush my teeth, throw on a t-shirt, sneaks, and jeans, and I was ready to go.

Now...not so much.

First, I have to prepare for my shower. I need shower gel, after shower oils that include nail, face, and feet; a loofah, a face towel, and a nether parts towel. And please don't let me need to wash my hair or shave, because now we've added an hour AND about 10 more components.

If I'm showering, I always wash my face first. Then my nether parts, then the rest of me. And if I'm in a new shower and there's other concoctions to try - well, just cancel the rest of your day.

If it's a bath, then this means I'm shaving and I start with my feet. Trust me, by the time I'm done, the water is cold and black.

After I am clean and freshly oiled, I have to "do my face" which, if it's daytime, includes a pre-wash of Witch Hazel before the slathering of Shea butter, cleaning and placing my contacts, doing my hair (which has a preparation to it, as well) and lotioning. I use 3 different lotions: body, feet, and hand. If it's nighttime, there's again the prewash then I smooth on Vitamin E oil and I must condition and (at least try to) wrap my hair with a satin wrap.

Next, I have to brush my teeth, and I try to brush for 2 minutes, then floss, then gargle. After that, I have Shea butter lip balm that I use a Q-tip to apply.

Finally, I can put on my clothes, and of course I have to choose my top. I still mostly wear jeans but sometimes I will pull on shorts or a skort. And it doesn't matter if I have a closet full of cute tops, I still only wear a certain few. I have casual tops, t-shirts, professional tops, and dressy tops. All must coordinate.

This has become a problem and a bit of an embarrassment because I have to have my separate "bath bag(s)", plus my luggage, when we travel.

Are you happy now, Mom????