36 Becca Truths

Facts and opinions of yours truly

1.  I was born in Detroit, MI
2.  I was adopted when I was 15 days old.  
3.  For the first 5 years of my life I lived with my aunt (I called her my grandmother), her husband (I called him my dad), her daughter (I called her my sister) and saw my mom and Papa on weekends.
4.  I am a huge Mississippi State fan.  I am also a USM fan.  I will probably cheer for any school in Mississippi EXCEPT for TSUN. 
5.  I cheer for the Detroit Lions, Oakland Raiders and New Orleans Saints, but I’m not really an NFL fan.  I did pay more attention to the Cowboys this year.
6.  I’ve been in college entirely too long lol.  I spent 3 years at MS State, 1 year at UAB and… 6 years at Jeff State.  In my defense, I am paying for the Associates myself so I can only go when I have money :-D After this last class I will have an Associates in Art.  I do plan to continue my Sociology degree at Montevallo.
7.  As long as they aren’t playing State I’ll cheer for Auburn.  I'll ALWAYS cheer for UAB (Go Blazers!).  I’ll also cheer for South Alabama, UWA, UNA, AAMU, and ASU.  I’ll probably never cheer for that school in Tuscaloosa.
8. I am a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi, the best co-ed band service fraternity in the world.
9. I LOVE coffee. 
10.  I LOVE dark beer.  Coffee stouts & oatmeal stouts are favorites.  
11.  One time, long ago when I was still in junior high, I had a poem published in a compendium that was bound and sold.  I do not remember the name of it and I don’t even remember which poem I submitted.  
12.  When I was younger I would watch Star Wars every year when it came on network TV.  I had a huge crush on Darth Vader.
13.  I want to open a video game lounge, or barcade as I call it…but I’m not a gamer.  I don’t even really have a favorite video game character.  There are two console games I used to love:  Dinowars and Dr. Mario.  Anything else past those two and I’m clueless
14.  I have 5 favorite colors.  In order of preference:  gray, fuchsia, silver, orange, blue
15. My second favorite flower was my mom’s favorite:  sunflowers
16.  My favorite flower is any type of lily
17.  The first family pet I remember was Dan.  He was a mutt who lived at my grandmother’s house.  He was the best ever
18.  I have a rap name!  I haven’t produced anything under it yet but I still think I might form a girl group one day.  My rap name is Bex B-Wrecka
19.  The name of my girl group is going to be BoyShort. 
20.  I rarely drink Starbucks, but when I do, I almost always go for a Cinnamon Dolce Latte
21.  I want to travel out of the country one day!   My first stop is Morocco.  I also want to visit Belize and Tibet.
22.  My dream sports car is a Bentley Continental GT convertible
23. Pancakes, peanut butter, potatoes, and steak are food groups for me.  But I’m not a picky eater :-P 
24. My favorite cake is birthday cake – no sprinkles.  
25.  I don’t like peppermint candy but I love peppermint tea
26. I’m allergic to cherries and mushrooms.  Every once in a while I’ll have a weird reaction to fruit.  A lot of times my skin will react to air.
27. Coca Cola is better than Pepsi.  It’s my birthday and I say so, so end-o story-o  :-D
28.  I really do believe that being kind does not always equal being nice.  As I get older that has become an interestingly complicated lesson to master.
29.  I do not want kids.  I actually never wanted any.  When we first got married Reg and I discussed having up to 5, and even came up with names.  Now we can barely keep up with the two cats and the turtle we room with :-P
30. I really only go to the movies for the popcorn.
31.  I sometimes miss living in the country but I do enjoy the conveniences of the city.  I also think Jones County and Oktibbeha County, MS are truly God’s Country.  Pass the sweet tea, please.
32.  My favorite story of all time is The Wizard of Oz.  A close second is the book Clover by Dori Sanders.  
33. I am discovering a love for hot tea.  On a good day I have 4 cups – 1 on the drive to work, 1 after coffee, 1 after lunch, and 1 before bed.  Good way to get water in, too.
34.  I LOVE puns.  The cheesier the better.  
35.  My favorite insect is the dragonfly and my favorite fish is a minnow.

36.  I love to travel and really enjoy coastal areas.  I’m not the biggest beach person but I do love being near water.

Fun fact:  I was going to do this last year but I couldn’t think of 35 things that were interesting enough to pen.  Now I can actually think of more than 36 things.

There's never enough time

https://youtu.be/Was9guQJ-0g

One of Mom's favorite stories - the Geese

Another treasure uncovered in Mom's lit:

A Lesson from the Geese - honking on the back pew of the church

‘The next time you see geese heading south for the winter flying in a "V" formation, you might be interested in knowing what science has discovered about why they fly that way. It has been learned that as each bird flaps its wings, it  creates an uplift for the bird immediately following it.  By flying in a "V" formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

Christians who share a common direction and a sense of unity can get where they are travelling on the thrust and uplift of one another.

Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the draft and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the uplifting power of the bird immediately in front. If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are going. When the lead goose gets tired, it rotates to the back of  the formation and another goose takes the lead.

It pays to take turns doing hard jobs with others at church, as with geese flying south.

The geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.  What do we say when we honk from behind? ...

Finally, when a goose gets sick, or is wounded and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it.  They stay with the wounded goose until it is able to fly again, and then they launch out on their own or with another formation, to catch up with their original group.  If people knew we would stand by them like that in the church, they would push down the walls to get in.’

That is the image that we, as a fellowship, would always want to project?  …. And that is precisely what we are striving to do!     We are a congregation, led by the Holy Spirit, (symbolized in Celtic theology as a ‘Wild Goose’) in the direction, God wants us to journey in faith; always seeking, as a team, to share our God-given gifts and talents - encouraging one another; caring for the weak, and displaying our togetherness in Christ Jesus.

The apostle Paul put it this way:  ‘Your life in Christ makes you strong, and his love comforts you.  You have fellowship with the Spirit and you have kindness and compassion for one another.  I urge you, then, to make me completely happy by having the same thoughts, sharing the same love, and being one in soul and mind.  Don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble towards one another, always considering others better than yourselves.  And look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.  The attitude that you should have is the one that Christ Jesus had.’  (Philippians 2:1)

Quotes my mommy liked

Came across these quotes in Mom's things:

Being a mother is my most important role in life - Theresa Russell

A mother never realize that her children are no longer children - Holbrook Jackson

The finest inheritance you can give to a child is to allow it to make its own way, completely on its own feet. - Isadora Duncan

A mother is neither cocky, nor proud, because she knows the school principal may call at any minute to report that her child had just driven a motorcycle through the gymnasium. - Marty Kay Blakely

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing - Phyllis Diller

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

My mommy's poems - Don't Quit!

My mother was also an avid reader.  She loved print, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, etc.  You should see her library.

I came across this piece she printed and had in her possessions.

Don't Quit!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road you're trudging seems all up hill, when the funds are low, and the debts are high, and you want tos mile, but you have to sigh, when care is pressing you down a bit, rest if you must, but don't you quit!

Life is queer with its twists and turns, as every one of us sometimes learns, and many a failure turns about, when he might have won had he stuck it out.  don't give up though the pace seems lsow, you may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint of the clouds of doubt, and you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far.  So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, it's when things seem worse, that you must not quit.  


http://www.all-creatures.org/discuss/dontquit-10120810-k.html

To the children

Touch the sky with your elegance;
Reach ow into the seas for your strength.

Surpass triumphs of before;
forego regrets.

Release your pity;
Uphold your beliefs.

For you hold the future -
and are part of it

You shape the future -
mold it

and will live it.

Be free -
yet forget not your heritage...
your pride....

your blood.

Rise

(a poem I wrote when I was in high school, looks like)

Inspired by all who have endeavored to...

RISE

As the phoenix rises from her ashes
rise, oh Sunlight.  Touch my soul;
shake off your trials and tribulations;
rebuke the evils that grab hold your heart;
rise from your pity and sorrow;

embrace tomorrow...
RISE.

Oh Heart, clothed in darkness,
rise and look upon the light of day as an omen of good tidings and cheer.

RISE

embrace your heartache - you will receive strength.

RISE
as the phoenix from her ashes....

RISE
high in the moonlit sky...

Rise, oppressed one - RISE.

Nike dreams

I dreamed I was in a hospital just after surgery for several complications, including disease and an accident.  After receiving discharge orders I find myself in a parking lot holding a guy's black Nikes with purple trim.  I end up throwing one of the shoes at the guy's windshield.  He then sells them to me for $100.  I immediately accept a workout tournament challenge to win back my money.  Boo, Christi, Jorge, Reg, Dawn, Sean and Lynsey are all competing.  I end up on top of a large board that is unevenly weighted, and it falls over with my arm trapped underneath.  If falls far enough to wear I would also bang my head on the ground, and the weighted projects on either side are heavy enough to crush my right shoulder and neck.  I wake up as I fall, however. 

Proverbs 31 art

Found the saying on IG.  Added the rest.

The flood child

I dreamed our town got flooded during a zombie apocalypse.  Many of us mobbed a local grocery store for supplies once the waters started receding.  I was in line behind a larger white family - Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Son, and 3 yr old daughter.  The family decided to leave the daughter behind because they didn't have enough to feed her, so they let her play in grocery carts two behind theirs while they checked out with bare necessities.  I came into the line and begin laying my items on the belt - she was very smart and told me not to mix up my items with theirs.  She and I started baning my items when I noticed her family left so I told the cashier to put my things aside while I hurried out with the child to catch her family.  They were in their van with the empty carseat getting ready to leave so I confronted them.  At first Mom denied knowing the kid and Dad seemed irritated in the backseat.  Eventually Mom.brole down and revealed their plan.  I told her she had a beautiful smart girl who would eventually understand.  I told her the child would be kept safe but would need to hear the truth from her mother first.  All this time the girl is trying to go to her mother to comfort her and be held by someone familiar.  Mom eventually decides they can make things work and takes her child.  Dad is crying.

The Fat Team Lead

I dreamed I was myself but a white lady married to a preacher.  Our church was attached to our house.  One Sunday I, wearing running shorts and a tank, stood up to announce that I was starting a jump rope challenge.  People interested should contact me directly to join.  As my husband got up to start his sermon people began contacting me immediately about fitness related info.  A new associate minister started asking me about my background at State as he perused my computer.  Eventually we disrupted the sermon and frustrated my husband.  Even builders and contractors came up behind him to start renovations on our house, and a bunch of kids started showing up for a pool party.

John 14 - my favorite verse

John 14King James Version (KJV)

14 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

² In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

⁴ And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

⁵ Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?

⁶ Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

⁷ If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.

⁸ Philip saith unto him, Lord, show us the Father, and it sufficeth us.

⁹ Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me, Philip? he that hath seen me hath seen the Father; and how sayest thou then, Show us the Father?

¹⁰ Believest thou not that I am in the Father, and the Father in me? the words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works.

¹¹ Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works' sake.

¹² Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.

¹³ And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

¹⁴ If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

¹⁵ If ye love me, keep my commandments.

¹⁶ And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

¹⁷ Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

¹⁸ I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

¹⁹ Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also.

²⁰ At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you.

²¹ He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

²² Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?

²³ Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.

²⁴ He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.

²⁵ These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.

²⁶ But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

²⁷ Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

²⁸ Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.

²⁹ And now I have told you before it come to pass, that, when it is come to pass, ye might believe.

³⁰ Hereafter I will not talk much with you: for the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in me.

³¹ But that the world may know that I love the Father; and as the Father gave me commandment, even so I do. Arise, let us go hence.

Not today

Maybe it's the utter exhaustion from this week.

6 years ago I buried my own mother.  The worst part of the preparations was putting on clothes and appearing in church with her physical form for the last time.  Not long after I came to visit my husband, his sister and their mother, and I remember saying at one point to Reggie "I know it is inevitable but if I could I would ensure that you never have to feel the loss and pain of losing your mother."

Today we bury my mother in law.  I think that, of everything that has transpired this week, this is the day I don't want to complete.  It's not so much my sadness and longing for her but bearing witness to the pain and suffering of my husband and his sister.  Not only bearing witness but knowing there is nothing at all I can offer as a balm, as a comfort - their mother is dead and she won't come back.  She wouldn't want to even if she could, and we would be so selfish to request it.

But we miss her.  One of the hardest realizations was "the woman whom I have known my entire life is no longer here to help me survive the rest of it."  I don't even know if they have fully grasped this concept, but when they do I know how devastating it will be.

May God lend me the strength to be strong and consistent for them.

Sushi

It is such a joy to find that many friends also understand what a treat it is to consume sushi.

Further, it is such a joy to find friends willing to share and revel in partaking in and discovering new cultures respectfully presented to is by their proud representatives.  To eat, to listen, to learn and to fellowship with those of our Thai brethren, Jamaican family, Mexican clans and Chinese dynasties is a blessing too few appreciate.

On Transgenders

It occurs to me that I have yet to read in any holy book where the body, a mere vessel into which we are born, should dictate the journey upon which our spirits travel.  God makes no mistakes.  Therefore, to identify with another gender must be a lesson learned after much trial and error in one form, realization the gift of technological and medical advance, thus seeking wholesomeness of mind, body and spirit.

Do you ever sit and wonder what your gift in life might be?

I know some people are meant to be healers, protectors, or comforters, or teachers, or leaders.  Some are uniquely made for stardom.Then there are "the least of these", and even less likely to be noticed, the lesser - we who fill in the gaps.
I remember being a kid and being fascinated by words.  Two that have always come back to me are patience and tolerance.  Both can be so expansive, yet each has to have a limit, not just to compliment justice but to also serve as barrier to your own personal breaking point.
I think one reason why I like my degree so much is because when we study a situation, or society from different sides we create more opportunity to see balance, fairness, but also the more harsh imbalances and unjustness.  And then when we know better we can choose to do better.

I suppose my takeaway is your gift should not just be recognized but also acted upon, even if it will never bring you fame or fortune.  I am happiest when I can touch and agree with all sorts of people from different walks, and also sit and listen to differences of opinion and find common ground.  I love recognizing barriers and forging bridges.  We're all in this together and we need each other to make it through. 

Get On Up

I don't want to get up
For I just suffered The Fall
You saw me and alight a few steps away
Your wings spread mightily as you call softly to me "You can get back up again"
I roll over on my back and squeeze my eyes shut tight against your light
Stubborn and ashamed
You step closer "For a saint is just a sinner who fell down..."
"I know, I know: 'and got up'. I know the words. I've heard the song. But I..."
"Am beautiful," you finish for me. "Fearfully and wonderfully made. Now share this good news. Get up."
And I do.

Old poetry - Daddy

Some stuff I did back in high school. This poem I wrote once when I was thinking about my "dad" - he was really my adopted uncle, but, at 5, he was the only father figure I'd ever known, and he was absolutely my favorite person on this earth.

So, I was looking for my daddy, right?

But my daddy I could not see.

Went up and parted the mountains, tore through valleys

swam through the breaking sea.

Nope, didn't see him.

"So where" says I, "might he be?"

"Ask the angels," I tell you.

They know where to find him - they'll lead you to where he might be.

I heard he's searching for that mansion

holding a room for you and me.

Old poetry - And it is Good?

Edit:  One of my favorites

I had a lot stronger relationship with God when I was younger. I want to get back to that point.

One morning I took an early walk

The Lord fell in step beside me.

The pair of us was a sight to see -

Father and child in conversation.

I asked my Dad, "What make You of this?"

I felt his warm smile encourage me to continue.

"What make You of this grass?" I asked.

"I know what it is I see.

The blades are like little swords that shield the ground from the burning sun. They photosynthesize - made green as they protect, and think! all those natural chemicals mix and mingle within its skin."

"You made it, Father?" I questioned Him.

"Yes," was His simple reply.

"And it is good?" I persisted. His warmth fused once again.

A little father along I gazed into His Heavenly hoe.

"What make You of the sky?" I asked.

"What of the color, and its contents?

Do not You marvel at the cool hue - symbols of cleansing and health - what of the many clouds that bunch and spin?

They also renew, when the rain comes and goes -- the cycle is complete."

Puzzled, I turned to Him.

"You made this?" my question was hazarded.

"Yes."

"And it is good?" I double checked

"Why, yes, don't you think so?" was His amused reply.

Safe and satisfied, I sought to follow Him.

Lifetime Movie...in my head

I dreamed up this crazy lifetime movie. Here's the gist:

Dad - Morgan Freeman
Mom - Kathy Bates
Sis - Margaret Cho
Niece - Julia Hsu
Henchmen - Mike, Reggie, Cedric the Entertainer, Jay Anthony Brown
Crazed boyfriend/mental patient - Jackie Earle Haley
me - Amy Brennemen

I am a psychologist, my husband and I are married.
My sister is married to a military police officer and they have a little girl.
Mom and Dad are incredibly rich, and we all live in the family home that overlooks the sea, but a large metropolitan city is only a short drive away. My niece is in dance classes.

I take on a client with serious mental issues and a history of violent crimes. He falls for me and has both my husband and my brother-in-law killed in what seems to be a tragic car accident. About this same time, my patient orchestrates his treatment so that he is more or less in my care 24 hours a day. Our precarious situation becomes more erratic as I learn of my "patient's" infatuation with me and his connections in the crime world. At many times I witness him nearly kill himself, just because he has to be separated from me.

Culmination of the movie is when my patient openly threatens me with bombing the site of my niece's dance recital. Calling in some henchmen to take us safely away to a crowded football game, we think we are safe, until my patient has my niece kidnapped in the crowd and leads us to believe she has been taken back to the site. We race back to the recital hall just as it is blown to bits - the blast spews poisonous gas into the air. Devastation ensues until we realize my father has saved my niece and my patient has been apprehended.

End of the movie is scenes of me reuniting with my sister because we'd become estranged during the whole ordeal - I find out she wants to become an artist so that she can leave a legacy for her daughter. My mother reassures me that I am still loved and forgiven for my blindness to the patient situation. I go in search for my dad, who, after initially shushing me because I constantly burst into tears upon seeing him, finally allows me that "healing cry" that all good movies have.

Commercial for a game - old Facebook post

Commercial for a game

I think you guys would be the perfect friends to help me realize my dream of creating a commercial for a popular game. I'm totally just doing this for fun.

Reggie and I came up with the idea last night to put together a commercial for LanWar. The storyline is a new recruit suiting up and headed to LanWar to play Call of Duty 4. He's leaving his wife behind and all they've ever known -- the wife, new to being a "gamer honey", is afraid but proud of her husband, who will save the earth, etc. etc.

I think it'll be fun and something cool to do. Let me know if you have any ideas.

lethal kits - old Facebook post

I spied you once upon a grocery store shelf
your tag noted "1/2 off" --- cheap eats
for $1.56 you beguiled me; a big red bag of defeat.
I hugged you close as I exited the store, promising to share my bounty
with any friend or foe
how I have come to rue the day!

I nom once upon your crunchy crunchy goodness
and think to myself what good fortune!
only 3 days hence was Valentine's Day, but yet my sweets are still quite enjoyed.

Until tonight. Oh, tonight! my tummy roared
rolled like volcanic hills under acid scorched skies
near-unbearable pains racked me front and side as I cursed your sweet chocolatey nommy hide.
so now, tis past 3 and I write of my fate
my eyes twitch as I consider your hatred
of me. Your apparently enjoyment of my wounded pride...
when will you, nommy v-day kit kat, decide
to be done with me?


Comments from FB:

DJ So that's the perp huh? Plague-infested Kit Kats. How unfair.

HPYou and your attitude!
To eat me and then leave
Am I nothing but a prelude?

But no - I will not be marginalized!...
Leave me without my other half
And your night will be spent in the bath

-The KitKat

Me Oh, you vile Kit Kat....I shall not be victim to your evils once again --- that's why I sent the rest of you to work with Reggie! Muwhahahahhahhaa!

NMB LOL...!!!

KMO Wait, are these from the same bag as the ones that were on top of the lateral file at work yesterday morning? If so, the one I ate was nommy, but happily it was not vile.

CS....That was the greatest thing I have ever read.... Rescently...

Me

Oh, nommy nommy Kit Kat I rue,
I have replaced you with something blue!
Easter Reese's cups and Hershey's kisses
Yummy yummy and non lethal for this Mrs.!

Old Facebook status updates

Random, right?

Status Updates 01.15.10

1) Sent a tweet this morning: "#bullsh**" several times, ending with "#angrytweet". Guess I am a little pissed, but it's hard to articulate what I'm so mad about. However, I think it goes along with this status: I'm not sick. These are just symptoms of being me.

2) Sometimes, when I think fondly of my friends, I don't call or text them. I just check their latest status on Facebook. Is that a sign of losing touch with reality?

3)It's a government conspiracy!

4) They're taxing us into prosperity!

5) Who am I kidding - it's all about money. Live, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness...yep. money.

6)"Son" is the new "Nigga" b/c it's up to us to school these fools on how to effectively battle with words.

7)Sometimes, I think in text. Like, literally. Especially if I'm on the phone with someone. I have to "see" the words being typed out on the blank white space that would be a text environment background - tis why I sometimes use unorthodox words, like "shenanigans".

8) Even though Sunday is my absolute favorite day of the week, Friday is becoming a close second. Even beating out Saturday. And that worries me. I started realizing only this week that Friday is so appealing - also this week I've noticed that my motivation and my perseverance has gone waaaay down....coinkidink? I think not....

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Status updates 01.14.10

1) R.I.P. Teddy Pendergrass. Did you know he was once a part of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes?

2) Verse o' the day: Isaiah 44:10
Who hath formed a god, or molten a graven image that is profitable for nothing?
This verse is so deep, man, yet insistently simple. God is asking in this chapter "why would you create an image and then fall down to worship it? What has this piece of wood, or piece of metal that YOU shaped, save you, deliver you, answer your prayers, sustain your hopes, etc? Essentially, God is asking, #wheretheydothatat? You see you can't trust yourself, much less your fellow man, to deliver on his promise to you - why in the world do you think a piece of wood could do the same? #SMH...

3) I'm a sucker for pretty girls that smile at me.
So, I saw this really pretty girl at Burger King yesterday - first person in any BK drive thru that's ever smiled. I thought that deserved an honorable mention.

4) I think "hubris" sounds like "pubis" and that makes me giggle.
Hubris means extreme haughtiness or arrogance. Hubris often indicates a loss of touch with reality and overestimating one's own competence or capabilities, especially for people in positions of power. Pubis means...well, you can look that one up.

5) I am thankful for buns. They hold my meat. (I love you, Reggie)
This status came to me as my delicious double Whopper, no mayo no cheese, fell apart as I got down to the last few bites. And I love Reggie because he has nice big buns. They make a soft pillow. (that...oddly sounded like I just admitted to kissing his butt. I don't. usually.)

6) Big Business
In light of the NFL anti-trust case that is in the news right now, here's my personal opinion on Big Business:
So?
They got big because they did something right. They know how to play the game, to supply what the public needs faster than their competition. The early bird catches the worm.
However, I do not like when companies get so big they lose sight of the people who built the company - mainly the workers, warehousers, suppliers, etc. Take Walmart, for instance. Walmart treats its employees like utter s*** because they can. Walmart makes more money than most small or medium sized countries, yet the coworkers are making barely minimum wage and their benefits suck.

7) Epic!
I lost my gum when I was flossing my teeth. I like to think the floss and the gum were having an epic battle over the health of my teeth.

8) Why yes, I DO frequently burst out into song...
If you came with your own theme music, would the music change depending on whatever you are doing? I.e., if I were mackin', would you suddenly hear R&B? Or if I were praying, would you get some inspirational Gospel? Or if I were mad, would you get punk rock?

9) #Twitter is better than #FB because
3 reasons:
a) I don't have to listen to people whine about their politial or religious beliefs, since I don't follow them. Instead, I get info that's important, like this:
TamaraDamians RT @Jess_Stam: American Airlines will transport any doctor or nurse to Haiti free of charge, call +1 212-697-9767, please help spread th ...

b)140 characters - you have to be funny or you just shut up. See?:
JJUiCEE RT @Aye If @ecolston Was a Dog He'll be a Poodle @Pasocca<----lmao *dead*

c) I can connect with a lot of people who share my interests and not have to learn much more about them than that, unless I want to. For instance:
@bhamterminal Yeah, we had to mention the Cantina Tequilabot eventually... http://bit.ly/4AcHAb #bham

Facebook still rocks because it's a great way to keep up with my family that I don't talk to, and my friends, old and new, can find me (and I can stalk them). I love Facebook most because I can share pictures easily and see what people are interested in - it's a wonderful way to study the characters that make up my life.

10) I love/hate water
My body not only knows when I don't drink water like I should - it seems to take pleasure in punishing me. I'm supposed to drink half my body weight, in ounces, of water. If I drink any less than that, things start to hurt. Joints start not working correctly. But dang, that's a lot of water! Decisions, decisions...

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Status updates 01.13.10

I keep saying I'm going to make all my status updates notes from now on - but sometimes I can't resist a quick line. At any rate, this will be up until I get home, then it'll move to my blog. No one reads notes, anyway, and they read blogs even less, so....

1)New favorite snack
I love greek yogurt. I think I will add it to my new food routine. My goal is water at 5:30 before during and after my workout, fruit smoothie on the way to work; new breakfast will be salad at 7:45-8; cup of greek yogurt at 10:30. Lunch out, then some funky cool dinner after the evening workout.

2)WAR
Way to start off the new year, WAR. I know now to check for a flyer or something on a web page, so I can reference it, before I post secondhand information. Since the idea of skipping our charter meeting tonight and going down to the Wine Loft on 1st Ave North for the young professionals/mayoral candidate networking mixer was brought up in the meeting, I figured we should pub the event and get people interested in meeting us there. So I made the event, based on the info I was given, as our page's status. I should've known when I got the day wrong the first time to go and double check my info, but nooooo...that status has been up 3 days now, and we just found out last night around midnight that the time was wrong. And it's impossible to know if people even read our statuses, much less plan events based on the info we give, but nonetheless, we were wrong, and that's embarrassing and unprofessional. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk.

3) Verse o' the day
John 14:1-4 has always been my absolute favorite passage in the world. It is always used during funerals back in my home church, as they bring in the body. Even when I was little, I would envision the words of this passage reaching out from the minister to touch each family, to ease their grief. I guess that was my visualization of the Holy Spirit. At any rate, I've been reading a chapter a day from my living Bible in the truck while I wait for it to warm up, so I decided to read the whole chapter this morning. I am now adding John 14:27 to my growing list of verses that speak to me personally: Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

4) Healthcare @ work
(angry tweet) #gotohellolemiss it doesn't take you a week to answer one question. #wheretheydothatat?
Now, as most of my friends know by now, Reggie lost his job right before Christmas. (December was a VERY trying month, actually). During one of the final conference calls from the San Diego main office of Verari, they told us that his health insurance was paid up through December 31st. We found out right around New Year's that Reggie could possibly be added to my health coverage through work, so BCBS sent us the paperwork - all we had to do was turn in the paperwork within 60 days to my rep and they'd do the rest.
Why can't I get anyone in my office to even answer my question or direct me on how to get this done???? I sent an email to our VP just before New Year's, asking who had taken over since our HR person was gone (I miss Tanya - I don't know that I appreciated her enough while she was here). VP says email the payroll clerk. (um...ok) so I email her. She forwards the email to the staff accountant, who replies back to her "I'll address this when I get to work on Monday" (after New Year's). Cool. I wait till Monday and send the accountant a follow up email: "Hi there, whenever you get a chance, I still have my insurance question." Two days later, no response. So when the payroll clerk brings by our checks that week, I ask her if the staff accountant is in the office, with the idea that maybe I'll just pay her a visit. Payroll clerk reacts as though I spit flames at her. (odd.)
A WEEK LATER, and still no response. Knowing that I really don't want to spend $600 on Reggie's insulin, I send ANOTHER email. "Hi ___, hope you've had a productive first week in 2010. Still got that insurance question when you have a moment."
Finally, a response! "Hey, so sorry - what was your question again?" UGH!!!
Repeated question, now waiting on a response. All I can say is "#gotohellolemiss!" since she graduated from there. And that better not be the reason why she's avoiding me (she knows I went to State; she's given me the stink eye when she saw me wear the mighty maroon and white). I will bust windows if I find out the problem is as shallow as that.

5) Riviera and the pimps
So, we went to work out with Karen last night at Riviera. Cool place - equipment is a bit worn, but they have a lot of different machines that Planet Fitness doesn't. We started out in the Cardio Cinema, which was really cool, except obviously the treadmills in there were not meant for you to run on (bummer), but the ellipticals were cool. After about 20 minutes of that, I ventured out into the weights area to tackle some machines. As I'm working out, I notice "the roosters". These were guys who strutted around "the yard", usually with a one or two smaller guys, or talking loudly on cell phones, showing off their muscles by flexing and doing really heavy short sets on various machines. Their eyes dart quickly back and forth so they can notice who's noticing them. They also loudly announce what their next set would be, or their next destination, or what their stats are. Funny stuff.

6) Haiti, conspiracy, help them out
So, this morning, while dressing for work, I relayed the message to Reggie that Haiti had been through a 7.5 earthquake yesterday. (#prayforHaiti). In our usual joking manner (#dontjudgeme, I mean no offense), I told him that I think the earthquake and the resulting tsunami scare was really just a government conspiracy to take over Haiti and control black folks. I didn't realize just how mundane that argument was until, on Tom Joyner this morning, Sheryl Underwood said pretty much the same thing: "How come the earthquake only hit the black side of Haiti? Since they're connected to the Dominican Republic, which is mostly Spanish..."
At any rate, here are a few ways you can help out with relief:

- huffingtonpost: RT @whitehouse: Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to @RedCross relief efforts in #Haiti. Learn more: http://bit.ly/6KiRtE @dipnote

- RT@RevRunWisdom: Text 501501 Yele.. Donate 5 dollars to Haiti.. it goes to ur cell phone.. pls consider!

7) Sprint
Well, Sprint has finally done it. We got the letter yesterday that Sprint will charge $4.99 a month to any account that is not signed up for automatic billing. WTH??? Why should I have pay a penalty because I won't allow my cell phone company to take charge of my bank account? Is this even legal??? More research to come....

8) DST and sis
Today is the 97th anniversary of the founding of Delta Sigma Theta sorority, INC. My sister, Agnes, said when she was at Tougaloo she always wanted to pledge, but she never had the money, and then she never graduated. I looked up to Agnes, so of course whatever she said she wanted, I wanted, too. Of course, of the years, I've done my own research on DST and I realize that even if Agnes had never said anything, I would still want to be a Delta. So for the last few years I have said that if I ever go back to school, when I become a senior, I will pledge. I think I look GREAT in red.

9) #random I always wake up craving coffee

10) nailbiting - I've got to stop biting my nails. It's gross, my fingers hurt, and my throat always feels clogged. Yuck!

11) #RandomReggie Why do government officials have that "slow blink" - basically a glacial existence? Are they bored? - more from Reggie's blog.

12) We are reorganizing the office this weekend - at least it's a 3 day weekend. Yay for Dr. King (R.I.P.) - I've never liked king cakes but I'll make some confetti brownies or something. We need to reorganize, anyway - so much paper that needs to be filed, plus we're missing some important documents and they must be found immediately.

13) nipple cuttage
You know what I think would hurt? Having your nipple cut off. Especially by a sword or some other razor sharp edge. #imjustsaying.

killer

This is what happens when you leave me in the country for too long:

So, I looked in the new bathroom, right? And saw there was a waterbug in there. And he was trippin! I mean, he was all set to die, right? Then he just started...you know, tryin' to live n' SH$%#, so I was like, Blah! Naw, nigga, you goin' down.

So I went up in there, and said, while I'm doin it, Imma sweep, right? so I was sweepin, you know, gettin my clean on, doin me, you know, and so Nigga just started...you know, bowin up and SH$#$@! on a Nigga, so I'm like, yo, who you iz, man, that ain't cool! just chill and $##, it ain' een much like that, you know..

so, I'm sweepin, and like, I sweep him! right? and you know this Nigga gon try and catch onto the broom! like, just clink clink! latch his legs round a strand, naw, boo, it ain' een much like that! so I clock that Nigga! but he don't die, Man, like, he hard and SH$#$#, so he gon try and make me jump back.

Naw boo

so, I'm like boom! all ova ya face Nigga, What! what! man, I slammed that broom down so hard...but he still won't die, Man! So I'm like, jigga what?? who you iz? who you IZ, Nigga!

So I sweep him out. right over next to his little buddy, you know say 'ello to my li'l frien, Nigga cheuah! but so, like, I'm still doin me, gettin my clean on and sh$#@, and he dyin, doin that cockroach flail, and SH#$@...and into the trash can he goes. yeah.

Questions for men

musicbecca2: do guys really care about this stuff?: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=25007364>1=32023

(9:49:15 AM) bulldogfist1: 1 and 2 definitely.

(9:49:59 AM) bulldogfist1: 3 is a good point (though "running a little late" isn't necessarily a pet peeve of mine unless it's a really important meetup).

(9:50:20 AM) bulldogfist1: 4 doesn't bother me.

(9:51:23 AM) bulldogfist1: 5 is a 'meh'. I hardly ever remember any of those conversations anyway as I felt it was just you sharing information to a source that is safe.

(9:51:49 AM) bulldogfist1: And 6 is definetly a good point.

(9:52:17 AM) bulldogfist1: This is very true for most guys: ven if you do tend to stay home on Friday nights watching DVDs together, guys want to think that you're night-clubbing, prank-pulling love machines who are simply choosing to take it easy.

(9:52:38 AM) bulldogfist1: The reason it's true is b/c most guys like the idea of knowing they have a 'tamed' wildcat at home.

(9:53:15 AM) bulldogfist1: We're adventerous by nature. Knowing that our mate wants to continue the adventure when given the right stimulus lets us know/think that we've got a good one.

(9:57:02 AM) musicbecca2: that's actually pretty interesting

(9:57:06 AM) musicbecca2: thanks for the insight

(9:57:51 AM) bulldogfist1: What do you mean?

(9:59:48 AM) musicbecca2: just your reactions to the points in the article. I consider you "the" man's man so it's interesting and refreshing to see your train of thought

Another vampire dream - My dream - 10/22/10

I dreamed that Ms Ida asked me to do some work for her at the church one Friday evening. As a reward, she offered to take me to Ihop. So we drove to Hattiesburg, and while there, we met a man who coaxed us back to his "house", which turned out to be a hotel on top of a hill.

This man was a vampire.

Once we found out, we fell from his spell and tried to escape. We fought valiantly, but, alas, Ms Ida got killed because the vamp slit her throat. I stabbed him from behind and was somehow able to drag the knife across his body. He then slit my back, too, but I was able to wrestle the scythe he used from his hands. He swiped me with his claws across my back before I was able to cut off his head.

His head and neck rolled around on the floor and tried to reconnect with his body but I crawled out of the room and somehow was able to set the place on fire. I dragged myself down the hill, knowing I was dying, and happened to grab the attention of some nuns returning home late from a costume party. They took me into their nunnery and nursed me back to health.

As a favor to them I took a job washing socks, underwear and other items from people who ran the mountain on which their nunnery sat.

I need a banjo and to meet Li'l Jon

(10:11:19 AM) Becca: so yeah, I had this dream early this morning

(10:11:52 AM) Nic: About banjos and lil john

(10:11:55 AM) Becca: I was on Reba, and Barbara Jean was babysitting three little girls, and she decided to have a wedding in a country-n-western bar

(10:12:16 AM) Nic: Ok...

(10:12:20 AM) Nic: Lol

(10:13:58 AM) Becca: she thought it'd be cute if the three little girls sang some...I can't remember. Anita Baker, Patti Labelle....do you remember that Designing Women episode where the ladies were in a contest and Susanne ended up in blackface because they were singing?

(10:14:43 AM) Becca: anyway, one of the little girls ended up drunk. now, keep in mind the girls are about 8 years old, but they were dressed in sparkly evening gowns and makeup, wigs, etc.

(10:14:59 AM) Nic: Yes that was a mess

(10:15:00 AM) Becca: so, we were all in trouble now with the bar owner, and no one was playing music

(10:15:03 AM) Nic: Omg
(
10:15:26 AM) Becca: so the patrons and the bar owner are getting pissed and wanting us to leave, when we decided to get on stage and play for them.

(10:15:44 AM) Becca: of course, the girls are horrendous because one is sick and the others are scared and can't remember their lines

(10:15:52 AM) Becca: so I said "let's play Oh Susanna"

(10:16:27 AM) Becca: I had to sing it for my band members because hardly any of them knew it, but one of my drummers was really good at beats so he picked right up

(10:16:40 AM) Becca: we get to the 3rd go round with "Oh Susanna", and we falter

(10:17:10 AM) Becca: things are looking bad, when all of a sudden Li'l Jon busts out the back curtain with "I came from Alabama with my hair hangin' 7 feet!"

(10:17:18 AM) Becca: and it just gets crunk from there.

(10:17:28 AM) Becca: I woke up laughing. Reggie was like, what the heck

(10:17:35 AM) Becca: then he gets crunk

(10:17:45 AM) Becca: I've gotta make this dream a reality

(10:17:48 AM) Becca: just gotta!

(10:19:33 AM) Nic: Roflmbo!!!

(10:20:41 AM) Becca: see? and you can totally picture it, too, right? it's epic. needs to be done.

Coffee!

I figured something out today as I was washing dishes:

I boiled 3 eggs yesterday morning, then I used to water to make my instant coffee. I noticed that the coffee was much smoother than normal, but I attributed that to the fact that I used two creamers instead of my usual one.

Then I remembered that my aunt was known for using cracked egg shells to brew her coffee, and that made sense - the egg shells somehow make the water "creamier", or at least that's the best way I can describe it.

At any rate, the coffee was delicious!

Questions I have, too

http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/the-op-eds/skinny-people-shop-at-whole-foods-a-poor-kids-perspective/

I look at Birmingham, and I can see why we out here in Hoover might not plant gardens - mostly apartments, and the better stores and farmers markets are easily accessible to us.

But, in Ensley, where the lower-end stores are, there are also TONS of houses with yards. And I know people can grow veggies - I kill cacti regularly but I even got some watermelons and carrots to sprout.

The choices are there. The options are evident. But so is the laziness and the fear.

Lady

Well, Mother got her wish: I'm a lady. * turns to framed pic on nightstand * you did this....

I used to pride myself in taking about 10 minutes total in the bathroom. I'd hop in the shower, soap, rinse, towel off, brush my teeth, throw on a t-shirt, sneaks, and jeans, and I was ready to go.

Now...not so much.

First, I have to prepare for my shower. I need shower gel, after shower oils that include nail, face, and feet; a loofah, a face towel, and a nether parts towel. And please don't let me need to wash my hair or shave, because now we've added an hour AND about 10 more components.

If I'm showering, I always wash my face first. Then my nether parts, then the rest of me. And if I'm in a new shower and there's other concoctions to try - well, just cancel the rest of your day.

If it's a bath, then this means I'm shaving and I start with my feet. Trust me, by the time I'm done, the water is cold and black.

After I am clean and freshly oiled, I have to "do my face" which, if it's daytime, includes a pre-wash of Witch Hazel before the slathering of Shea butter, cleaning and placing my contacts, doing my hair (which has a preparation to it, as well) and lotioning. I use 3 different lotions: body, feet, and hand. If it's nighttime, there's again the prewash then I smooth on Vitamin E oil and I must condition and (at least try to) wrap my hair with a satin wrap.

Next, I have to brush my teeth, and I try to brush for 2 minutes, then floss, then gargle. After that, I have Shea butter lip balm that I use a Q-tip to apply.

Finally, I can put on my clothes, and of course I have to choose my top. I still mostly wear jeans but sometimes I will pull on shorts or a skort. And it doesn't matter if I have a closet full of cute tops, I still only wear a certain few. I have casual tops, t-shirts, professional tops, and dressy tops. All must coordinate.

This has become a problem and a bit of an embarrassment because I have to have my separate "bath bag(s)", plus my luggage, when we travel.

Are you happy now, Mom????

I dreamed Reggie was a cat

Reggie Cat

I dreamed Reggie was a cat. We survived a natural disaster. Sam, Cyn, and Sylvester were there.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

So, in my dream, I'm talking to Reggie, but he's a cat. And, because he's a cat (he was turned, somehow or another) he wears this perpetually sarcastic smug look on his face. He thinks he can still drive, and so when the disaster hits, he thinks he can just drive us out of there. I know that the way he's trying to go is over some rubble that bottoms out into a big gaping hole, but he won't listen to me. So of course I have to save him from the wreckage of the car.

Sam is just kind of there with us and laughing the whole way through the dream.

As I reach over to grab Reggie from the wreckage, he pretends to be hurt and latches on to my boob. I pry him off, telling him that him being a cat with his mouth on my boob looks really weird. He ignores me and keeps trying.

We find a vet who agrees to hold animals for people until they can get back on their feet from the natural disaster so I decide to drop Reggie off there while Sam and I go look for Cyn and Sylvester. Well, Cyn finds us first and is DELIGHTED to find out his favorite human is now a cat. He literally jumps all over Reggie, almost like a puppy, wanting to run and jump and play. I'm yelling and screaming and threatening the both of them because I can't get Cyn to calm down enough so that I can turn them in to the vet, plus I have no idea where Sylvester is.

Sam, again, just stands by and laughs.

I finally get the two herded into the vet and go off looking for Sylvester. I spot him in a crowd of stray cats, but at this point he's so skittish he doesn't recognize me and runs off with another cat who is his identical twin. I somehow maneuver him back to the vet and get him to run into the building where the vet is, but instead of going inside the vet's office he runs up the stairs in the office building. He is following the other cat. I finally get him cornered in an abandoned apartment somewhere upstairs and figure out a way to catch him without being scratched to bits.

As I come back, Sam, still chuckling, tells me that Cynamen and Reggie have run off to try and drive the car again. Reggie literally drives the car back over the same pile of rubbish and into the exact same hole.

Sociology and Psychology and Anthropology and Archaeology and....oh my!

Edit:  This was an old Facebook post from my previous Facebook profile


Reading for my Anthropology quiz tomorrow, and I am continually fascinated by the theories that are presented in this and my Sociology texts.
Right now we're discussing evolution, and the idea is that, during the early years evolution was thought to be an upwardly moving chain of events, the base being barbarianism (is that a word?) and the top being civilization as it was known at whatever time the study came out. But now we know that evolution isn't always linear, which gives credence to my idea that evolution and Creationism MUST exist together or perhaps in tandem. (Kind of supports the whole "Nature vs Nurture" debate, where the end result was found that both exist together.) At any rate, I still don't believe that we "evolved" from apes or chimpanzees or whatever but I can see where we might have had a common ancestor. After all, if we came from them, then why are they still here? Maybe that's over-simplifying things, but, hey, I've got a lot to learn still.

my friend Kyle says of this post:
Well, you are exactly right. Modern apes and humankind simply share a modern ancestor. We didnt come from them and they from us. We are brothers and sisters of the same parent.

DJ, my athiest friend, suggests caution:
My advice is to not forge reality to fit a preconceived idea or belief. Trust evidence and rationality and you can draw empirical conclusions to all of life's little mysteries.

Alma, my Methodist friend who is a fellow Sociology student, adds this:
Here's another kink in the evolution/creation debate that was offered up by a friend at church a few weeks ago: If you believe that God is capable of creating the world, then isn't He capable of creating a world that scientifically appears to have been around for millions of years? I'm with you, Becca, that the two must exist together or in tandem.

DJ, ever the "realist", responds:
With all due respect, there is no kink of any kind. There is no credible evidence for Creationism that stands up to scrutiny. If there was, it would be considered a science. The moment you begin to indoctrinate impressionable minds to irrational thought is the moment you destroy that persons ability to discover truths

Disappointed in those who represent my faith

So, I picked up this book at the Library Book Sale called More Turkey Soup for the More Sarcastic Soul. So far, it has been an amusing take on one guy’s spiritual journey as a minister. I’ve even found some quote-worthy material in the pages.

Unfortunately, the passage I read tonight is now making me regret quoting from, or even buying this book.
I guess, when I looked at this book at the library, I felt a bit of trepidation in buying it, and honestly I figured it was going to be a “just short of an atheistic view” read. It seemed funny enough but I couldn’t really tell just from the book jacket what I was getting into. I even put it down at one point but something led me back to it. Maybe it’s one of those situations where it’s supposed to teach you how not to be/think/do?
At any rate, here’s the passage:
On June 8th CNN reported that in the year 632 A.D., Mohammed, the founder of Islam died. The sad thing is that I watch CNN every day and I have not heard an update on his condition. I’m thankful I have a faith that includes a Resurrection!
Now, this passage is signed “Mike G. Williams, who is the author of this book. So this passage was thought cute and necessary to be included by none other than the pastor himself. The pastor of the Baptist, Christian faith that I was supposedly raised to believe is “the way”.
That’s a horrifying thought.
So, what you’re saying to me, Minister, is that it’s ok for you to just blatantly say “my religion is better than yours” because my supernatural event stories are more profound and epic. Now, with this statement I’m not saying that I don’t believe in the Resurrection. My problem is that this minister seems to be undermining another religion’s beliefs because they aren’t “his” way.
I don’t care what you believe, but my two basic rules are these: 1) you NEVER push your beliefs on someone else. 2) you NEVER make fun of someone else’s beliefs or thinking or philosophies. To me, that’s plain rude and downright discourteous. It shows me that you do not even respect me as a human being to have my own thoughts or intellectual ability.
PLUS, it really bothers me that a minister, of all people, with a published work, would be so shallow and contrary to his own supposed beliefs. I mean, Christianity’s basic tenet is to be accepting of any and all people regardless of origin, right? But you just told me and the entire world that your religion, because you believe it to be true, is better than someone else’s. That I refuse to tolerate and I feel action must be taken.
I’m starting with this post, but I may contact Mike G. Williams himself (I dunno that he’s worthy of the title “pastor”). I mean, am I wrong to be offended by this post? Am I missing something here? Maybe it’s humorous to some, but it still feels very offensive on quite a few levels. I do hope I’m reading the quote wrong, but I think that there is a tolerance issue here.

Rap career? Why yes, thank you

Edit:  My rap name is Bex B-Wrecka

I'm a (Detroit) hustla / raised up (Jones County) country rustla / if you ain' know, then you's a straight busta.../ born to the street life / learned to fight over cornbread and butter knives ...

Ramblings of a spiritually frustrated individual

So, I've been sitting here listening to gospel songs for the past 2 hours.  Used to, I could get motivated to get up and do whatever needed to be done just from listening to a few strands of music, but now, it feels like something is missing.

I haven't been to a church worship service in quite a while now.  I actually can't remember the last one...oh wait, yeah, I can.  It was a Polish Catholic service down in Florida.  That was kinda cool.

My mother (God rest her soul) would have a conniption if she knew I wasn't headed to worship service tomorrow.  Actually, my mother-in-law has been having a few conniptions for that reason.  I just...

Truthfully?  I don't feel a pull.  I feel a need, but not a pull.  Does that make sense? Not saying that I want the service to come to me, but...

The oddest thing about my frustration is, my belief in God has not lessened.  If anything, it's grown stronger.  I've actually found myself making better decisions spiritually.  Like, when I was in my 20s, I'd do stuff, being the headstrong individual that I was, and just figure "God will forgive me for this if it turns out to be not of His plan."  (I guess that's a part of growing up).  But now, I'll say, "maybe I won't do that this time, because God's not going to be happy with me for choosing that path."  

Well, I say that most times, anyway.  Still get myself into situations, but not nearly as often.

My biggest problem (and this spans MOST of my life) is that I am entirely unmotivated.  To really do anything.  It's amazing I've lasted in school two semesters already, and actually looking forward to the third one.  But once I leave the classroom, I'm totally apathetic about doing anything else to enrich my life, except maybe volunteer work every now and again.

Maybe I'm depressed.  

I think I'm a little conceited, too.  I used to could fool myself into thinking that my way was God's way, but now I'm acutely aware that this is not the case.  I still make the mistake of making a decision and then praying "God, if this is Your will, please let this work."  It's hard to break a habit.

I realize a lot of what I don't like about going to church is, to me, there's too much singing, not enough instruction.  Too much emphasis on fellowship, not enough direction.  

I feel drawn to the Catholic church, but I also feel drawn to the Methodist church.  Wonder what that means?  I was raised Baptist, and my favorite minister once said "the Catholic faith is the whore of all religions".  And then, I heard another minister, a year or so ago, say that all people who did not accept Jesus BEFORE Jesus even walked the Earth probably went to Hell (or something like that).  

Can't get down with that mentality.  Catholicism, Buddhism, Islam, etc - sometimes these religions or beliefs get some people closer to heaven than Bible-thumping and hellfire.  It grates on my nerves when Christians move to shut out other religions just because it's not Christianity.

On the flip side, how DARE some of these people speak against our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?  Or discount the existence of the Holy Spirit?  Or say there is no God?  It's all madness.

My knee-jerk reaction is to say "where is my place in all this?"  but then, maybe my "place" is to be slightly uncomfortable, right?  that keeps me moving.  that keeps me questing.  that makes me remember that I shouldn't become complacent with where I am and that I should continue to seek.

My basic belief is that God created everything, sent His son Jesus to heal the world when we all went mad, and Jesus said "let me ease you on back into heaven by comforting you with the Holy Spirit" (loosely translated).  But back to that "God created everything" bit:

I'll bet He also created the basic tenets of Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, etc, right?  And we just ran in all kinds of different directions with them.  

And I totally get down with the idea that God doesn't allow bad things to happen but we open ourselves to bad things because of our nature.  Big or small, some human probably did something at some point to start a chain of events that eventually led up to whatever happened.  God created everything, but He is not in or of everything.  Some things, human nature brings upon itself.

That makes sense in my head.  Goes along with that "free will" and all that.  Even if we don't conciously "choose", sometimes our decisions or actions can still leave us vulnerable to...whatever.

Yeah, I figure I've got a lot to learn.  But I feel I've also learned a lot.  Like I say, I'm a student of life - both physical and spiritual (which encompasses emotional).

Story plot - Vamp Revenge - unfinished

Dad and mom fight. Dad kills mom and 3 kids. Ties them up with silver embedded duct tape and lays them together in bed. Daughter is under mom and mom's blood seeps from slit in her neck onto daughter's mouth. Daughter lives off mom's blood for 3 days before police bust in and go for dad, who escapes. Daughter revives in hospital and vows to avenge mom. Turns out mom was vamp and dad is some type of warlock. Kids weren't his - daughter is only on who inherits powers. Mom found low-paying job in Dad's company and worked her way up. Dad was impressed by her and asked her out. Became abusive after wedding.

Dream after smoking a hookah

 Edit:  in real life I was with my adoptive father when he started to die, too.  I had this dream after smoking a hookah for the first time.


I dreamed that my father's name was Willie Hayes.  He was a famous musician who lived a hard but good life.  In my dream, I was with him when he died.
One evening (perhaps a Friday) I came over to visit him and my mother.  Another friend dropped by, some unnamed guy friend of Dad's, but he was more interested in my father's whiskey collection.  We left him sampling the new stock when Mom and Dad decided to go for a stroll.  Once we stepped outside, however, Dad realized he was too weak for the chilly night air and called for one of the butlers to bring forth a golf cart.  As we waited on a bench (Mother was admiring a patch of flowers she'd planted just off the path) Dad decided he wanted to visit one of the other buildings on the property.  It was the "old house", the one where us kids grew up.  He'd recently jad it converted into a store house but I never knew what it held.
The cart came, and now Father was coughing. (He'd been a smoker of cigars and the emphysema finally depleted his lungs)  Father insisted on driving to the other house and drove as though chased by a demon.  Once we got to the stairs he stumbled out of the cart.  With difficulty, he wrestled with the locked door.  He fell but I picked him up, panic nearly overtaking me as I took in his pallor.  He wrenched open the door and stumbled inside.
Dad dragged himself up the stairs.  Mom shouted from below, "Willie?  Willie!  What is this place?"  but I was too shocked to even speak.  Each room held a vintage car, and the one he stumbled into held a beautiful Cadillac hearse, black with gold trim.  Daddy yanked open the door and threw himself behind the wheel.  I barely noticed the treasures stuffed on the floorboard of the passenger seat - his favorite work jacket and some cds.  As my father drew his last breath, he mumbled something almost too low for me to hear: 
I put my hand on his cheek as he shuddered then sighed.  I gasped - his gaunt face was hot, but as my hand lay there, it grew cold to the touch, and his face became ashen and gray.
My father died this way, as my mother clamored up the stairs and his best friend drank himself into a stupor.

Dream 2 am boiling dogs dead Indian

I dreamed there was a dog living inside another dog.  The dog was black and you could see its head and one foot sticking out of the side of the other dog, who was brown.  Both dogs were fully gown - the brown dog was old and very sick, bony.  The black dog was a parasite feeding on the other dog, and taking over.  Both dogs were boys - the black dog, as a puppy, crawled into an absess in the brown dog's stomach and got stuck.  They grew together like that for several years.
I was living in a den - Reggie in the adjoining bedroom.  A little Asian girl pushed an icy coffin of an Eskimo man around the world and one day she left it next to my couch.  I asked Reggie if I could move in with him so I didn't have to sleep near the dead body.
My cousins were Fresh Prince and Martin characters and the episode started where one cousin had loads of money but came to visit another cousin - the two were fake friends and abused each other constantly.  One day I made coffee but I accidentally put tin foil over fire and set a coffeepot on fire.  It continued to churn bigger and bigger until all my cousins were boiling in a lake of fire.  We had to take boiling hot water from the sink to put it out.  Mike was there.

If you have too much, you'll never have enough.

Edit:  Over the years I've emailed myself random dreams and thoughts - some fully formed, some...not so much.  I now subject you, dear Reader, to these.  May God have mercy...well, you know the rest.

I threw a party where all these random people showed up - new and old and current friends, plus people attending and participating in a winter race, and people attending some black beauty divine9 convention.
Lexi showed up at midnight and told me she wanted to renovate her house but she was scared her mom would have a fit about it.  I fed her popcorn and chocolate to calm her down.  We sat in my grandmother's den until the phone rang - Reg answered and it was DJ.  He was coming over with a confession.
There was a costume party happening in the front but the feature was people came dressed in superhero underwear over their costume.  Batman came, too.
At this party DJ told me his secret love was Madonna and he'd collected all her vinyls over the uears to learn all her secrets so he could marry her one day.  We were all standing in my bedroom at home so I suggested we go into the living room to play some records while other people played video games on the projector screen in the den.
This house kept growing into a mansion.  I inherited this incredibly large mansion.  It had a church in the middle, and a shopping mall on one floor.  There was a ski resort out front.
Unfortunately it was very old.  I tried to climb the staircase but it fell apart so I had to stack books and ratty folding chairs together to get to the 4th floor.  When I got up there the VP that hired me at ProctorU asked me to log in but I couldn't remember how so I quit. When I got back downstairs (found an escalator) Sam watched me get into a fight with some black girl's friend.  The girl said, "I don't even like black people" and I answered "race doesn't matter - you are beautiful".  I ended up ramming the friend's head into a trash can and threatening to smack it againt the concrete floor.  Some Alphas and Kappas fought me next - we ended up in the walls and one finally cornered me in a mop closet.  I was holding the door closed when a Sigma started chopping at the door with an ax.  There was also a fire but I woke up before I could be saved or killed.

spiritual plane

Heard a gospel song today that stated "you're not a physical body having a spiritual experience, you're a spiritual body having a physical experience."

I can buy that, especially since "everything supposedly happens in the spirit world first."

Of course, now my question is, "When God created us in His image....what image was that?" A spiritual image? I rather think that God, being omnipotent and omnipresent, is probably more like a ball of energy. and it makes sense to me that the spirit would travel across plains more easily as a ball of energy, so...

Best of Langston Hughes

So love this poem.  Heard it read on NPR today and it gave me chills and made me want to sign up for service:

Let America Be America Again   by Langston Hughes

Let America be America again. Let it be the dream it used to be. Let it be the pioneer on the plain Seeking a home where he himself is free. (America never was America to me.) Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed-- Let it be that great strong land of love Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme That any man be crushed by one above. (It never was America to me.) O, let my land be a land where Liberty Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath, But opportunity is real, and life is free, Equality is in the air we breathe. (There's never been equality for me, Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.") Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark? And who are you that draws your veil across the stars? I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart, I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars. I am the red man driven from the land, I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek-- And finding only the same old stupid plan Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak. I am the young man, full of strength and hope, Tangled in that ancient endless chain Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land! Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need! Of work the men! Of take the pay! Of owning everything for one's own greed! I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil. I am the worker sold to the machine. I am the Negro, servant to you all. I am the people, humble, hungry, mean-- Hungry yet today despite the dream. Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers! I am the man who never got ahead, The poorest worker bartered through the years. Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream In the Old World while still a serf of kings, Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true, That even yet its mighty daring sings In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned That's made America the land it has become. O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas In search of what I meant to be my home-- For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore, And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea, And torn from Black Africa's strand I came To build a "homeland of the free." The free? Who said the free? Not me? Surely not me? The millions on relief today? The millions shot down when we strike? The millions who have nothing for our pay? For all the dreams we've dreamed And all the songs we've sung And all the hopes we've held And all the flags we've hung, The millions who have nothing for our pay-- Except the dream that's almost dead today. O, let America be America again-- The land that never has been yet-- And yet must be--the land where every man is free. The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME-- Who made America, Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain, Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain, Must bring back our mighty dream again. Sure, call me any ugly name you choose-- The steel of freedom does not stain. From those who live like leeches on the people's lives, We must take back our land again, America! O, yes, I say it plain, America never was America to me, And yet I swear this oath-- America will be! Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death, The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies, We, the people, must redeem The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers. The mountains and the endless plain-- All, all the stretch of these great green states-- And make America again!

Drugs

drugs

In light of Whitney Houston's passing, I'm reminded of how I once heard a minister explain how it works for those closest to God, those who strive to walk in His Light.  Those are the ones Satan wants and goes after with vengeance.  Why should he go after those of us who are lackadaisical in our conviction to Christ?  He's pretty much already got us.  What was it that God said?

Revelations 3:

To the Church in Sardis 1“To the angela of the church in Sardis write: These are the words of him who holds the seven spiritsb of God and the seven stars. I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. 2Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. 3Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you. 4Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. 5He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels. 6He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the Church in Philadelphia 7“To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. 8I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name. 9I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan, who claim to be Jews though they are not, but are liars—I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you. 10Since you have kept my command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come upon the whole world to test those who live on the earth. 11I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. 12Him who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of my God. Never again will he leave it. I will write on him the name of my God and the name of the city of my God, the new Jerusalem, which is coming down out of heaven from my God; and I will also write on him my new name. 13He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the Church in Laodicea 14“To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. 15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. 19Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. 21To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.22He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

But for those who really walk with the Lord, Satan clamors for them.  He works hard to plug them from the safety and sanctity of holiness.  My own personal thought about that is that those who are musically inclined are especially vulnerable  because Satan was once Lucifer, the chief of music in heaven:

Isa.14:11 – “Thy pomp is brought down to the grave, the noise of thy viols: the worm is spread under thee, and the worms cover thee.”

Read more at Lucifer : Angel of Music

So when one is caught up in the making of music, one must be mindful that losing oneself in the art creates a vulnerability to Satan.  He would be quick to attack someone who uses their God-given talents for praise and worship.